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CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION

1 .1     BACKGROUND FOR STUDY HUSBAND AND WIFE ROLE

Husband and Wife must have it in their mind they came from different background, different community. The reason of study this research is all about matrimonial home disarray today due to misunderstanding of husband and wife.

Many Christian home have separate while they are living under the same shelter this research must open couple to guide them for their responsibility.

Presently, a lot homes have break I believed the research must settle many divorce marriage to bring them to their happy home. Seventy five percent of wife in their matrimonial home paid school fees, house rent, provide food for their family while their husband refuse to do their responsibility in the house, in my research. Twenty-five percent husbands have no job to sustain their family due to bad economy of the country.

This research must save most wives from bad attitude of their husband.

Thirty five percent of wives do not take care of their children, because of the trade or work they are engage, and this research must let them understand their right over their children. My research shall increase knowledge of husband and wives heterogeneous.

 

1.2     STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM

TEN VIEWS OF MY RESEARCH FACING HUSBAND AND WIFE ROLE

ANT-CHRISTIAN CULTURE–  Different denomination affect couples, in my research many minister have destroyed matrimonial home with their indigenous,  the minister who did not forsake the culture of their source, have mislead some couples with the false doctrine.

For example the scripture Hebrew 13:4 “marriage is honorable in all, and bed undefiled but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” This text is not acceptable for some denomination, some minister encourage bachelor and spinster to impregnate themselves before date.

Some parent contributes to this that their male child must impregnate her dated wife before the wedding day. All this make many marriage collapses because God is not happy it is a big secret in wish couple that has practice such don’t know. To correct this, pray to God for forgiveness so their home can be settled.

 

 DIVORCE

 

Young age- couple married at a very young age increase the likelihood of divorce. Those who married in teens may not play their role over family because of lack of marital experience.

Less education- couple with less education may divorce each other while it will lead to unable to play their role over children they gave birth too.

Lack of commitment may course problem for spouse to play their role while they have already divorce themselves. The two must learn how to endure.

BALANCE OF WORK AND FAMILY

This is very important issue, that couple should solve the problem and settle their family, if not they will fail their role in the house. A good mother must not be full time at work.  It affects a lot, if mother cant balance her work with family e.g. cleaning of the house, cooking of food, washing of clothes and other things in the house.

A good father of his house must balance is work and family. There is time for work also there must be time to discuss the progress of the family in advance ahead of their plan.

All of us must allocate 24 hours a day to the activities of life. How well we balance responsibilities with doing things we truly enjoy directly affects our quality of life. It also helps manage stress. Are you satisfied with your balance of time between work and family? If you answered “no,” you are not alone. Achieving balance with work and family is an ongoing process of juggling responsibilities at work and the needs of family members. These needs change over time. The key to success is stepping back and periodically analyzing how things are going.

You can then decide if changes are needed. The result will be enjoying your life more and being in harmony with the things you value most. Take the following quiz to see if you could use some re-evaluation of work and family balance.

If you answer “no” to any question, you may benefit from some of the steps that follow. Work and Family Balance Quiz Do you successfully allocate time in your day to the things you want to do with your family?

Can you participate in meaningful activities with family without feeling anxious or talking about work?

Do you participate in family activities without the gnawing feeling of so much work being left undone?

(d)      STEPS TOWARD BALANCE WITH WORK AND FAMILY

  1. Work and Family Balance is Decision- Work and family doesn’t “balance” automatically.

Achieving balance is an ongoing process. Understanding this can reduce frustration

help you act to gain control.

  1. Write Down Family Goals- Family needs change over time. Opportunities to build a tree house for the kids or participate in a new family pastime don’t last forever.

Decide what is important and write it down. Assign a date, and make these goals “absolutely-will-happens.”

  1. 3. Stick to Your Values- Sometimes it can be tough to make a choice between a family and a work activity. Knowing where you stand on your values can make tough choices easier.
  2. Recognize that Imbalance is sometimes Inevitable- It is important to recognize that jobs and responsibilities are important and that they sometimes take priority.
  3. Revisit Your Schedule- When your work schedule changes, new opportunities may become available to participate in family activities. Claim the high ground!
  4. Recognize the Benefits of Balance. Balancing work and family has pay-offs for children, home relationships, and everyone’s future happiness. Recognizing this can help you keep balance in mind.
  5. Manage Distractions and Procrastination- Working long hours causes stress that sometimes finds relief naturally through workplace distractions and procrastination. If you are at the office for 12 hours, do you really work only 10? If you are searching for more family time, it might be found here.
  6. Discuss Expectations and Responsibilities- When one family member is taking on too many responsibilities at home, resentments can build. Periodically discussing the perceptions of others can provide the awareness you need to consider opportunities and choices for work and family balance.
  7. Organize Your Work Better– Improving your delegation and time-management skills can buy you time needed for family life. Learning how to put work down, say “no,” and let go of workplace worries are skills that are learned through practice.

 

(e)  ENGAGE IN BUSINESS AND FORSAKE HOME RESPOSIBILITY

Husband and wife love business more than their responsibility at home will not able to play their role in matrimonial home. I do not go against their job or business they were doing, because they must live. Let us have it in my, money can’t buy character or human attitude most especial monitoring of children in different Christian home.

Some husband believe in given their family money, live their house early in the morning come back late in the evening. Husband that live is wife food, while the food have prepare at the right time in the morning shows and read meaning in her wife that he eat at concubine house .While wife thought is wrong is because her husband rushing to working place.

Wife that refuse to cook food for her family because she is going to working place or willingly late back home because of overtime work did not play good role in her matrimonial home. While is very dangerous.

(f)  ABSENT FATHER FIGURE

This problem happen to most husband that have bad habit to their children, father who don’t pay good attention to his children and wife such father refer to as absent father figure.

(g)       LACK OF SELF DISIPLINE

Couple that lack of self-discipline is totally fail, house without prayer, house that refuse  God instruction, house without Christ Jesus is crisis they are in un save.

(h)       FINACIAL PRESSURE

Low saving rate can set matrimonial home back if their saving rate is low. Salary  income or profit of husband and wife  low, it affect their home because of increase of house rent, increase of school fees, foul inflation, food inflation, and credit card. This financial pressure may set husband and wife back from their role.

LACK OF COMUNICATION

The way that you or your spouses present a topic for discussion or the body language that accompanies this topic can lead to confusion or misunderstanding. For example after a stressful day at work, your partner may seem uninterested or angry while communicating with you about other subject.

While this and similar type of interaction might seem personally targeted toward you or the relationship they could actually be the result of ineffective communication skill. Tip for reducing misunderstanding include considering the other person, staying positive and being open and clear about feeling or concerns the other person may have lack of  communication  can lead to consistent negatively  in interaction.

(j)        NEGATIVE MEDIA INFLUENCES

The changes in influences of media are vast. it affects  the Christian home the emotion  the psychology aspect and even the spiritual stand of many couple. Husband negative influence can trigger wife negative effect and this can cause a chain of reaction leading to destruction of relationship different Christian home. However instead of read spiritual books, academic books, give their self to prayer.

Yong couples end up being cooped up in their rooms watching television , husband and wife must  be vigilant to minimize these negative influence by being responsible towards oneself and other especially child at home who are easy target by the media.

(k)      MATERIALISM

Materialism affects role of husband and wife, those who draw a lot of happiness from money and possession do not make for happy spouses compared with those who get their jollies elsewhere. Couples who say wealth is not that big deal score about 10 percent to 15 percent the rest are running after worldly thing left their duty at home.

1.3      PURPOSE OF STUDY

In our community, and in the world today according to research 65% of weeding are not up to standard. Study of husband and wife role will make our community settle because a good family makes a good nation.

Study of husband and wife role will produce good leaders, for good family produce good leader for country, this research will settle family crisis in the church, minister of God facing a lot of confrontation in marriage issues. I believe this research will solve the problem of husband and wife that are not In good union.

A family is church; two to uncountable family is congregation. If family is not settling ministers of God will not enjoy their ministry. Most couple living together is not in love with their partner but people see them as husband and wife this research most open their eyes to live the life of peace.

 

Because most couple fails their responsibility over their children the children become robbers, tout, higher killer, embezzle money in the place of work. My research will eradicate this if parent can follow this unique illustration.

1.4      LIMITATION OF STUDY

The limitation of this study is within Christian all over the world.  Christ is the head of the church as the husband is the head of her wife. While I said this is, if other religion believe in poligamous family while Christian that have one wife facing problem I don’t think the research can work for any denominational that believe in marry two or three wives. This research is for people  of God who follow the doctrine of Christ Jesus.

MARRIAGE DEFINITION

“Marriage as an institution of God and it is also for procreation and to help ourselves towards greatness in God In the land of the living”   by Samuel O Sowunmi (Reason for marriage break down and the way out) 9, 38-39

“Marriage is an institution ordained and ordered by God. It is the only institution that was established before sin came into the world”  Dag Haward- mills (model marriage)

“Marriage is the intimate union and equal partnership of a man and a woman. It comes to us from the hand of God, who created male and female in his image, so that they might become one body and might be fertile and multiply” Genesis 2:21-22  www. foryourmarriage.or

 

                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Endnote

(1)      Rhapsody of blissful home published by Adkem concepts Isaiah Akintunde Agun

( 2)  Biblical foundation (Google search)The top issues facing marriage.  Posted by Andreaa kostenberger

(3)   Reason for marriage breakdown and the way out by Samuel o. Sowunmi Out published, by family forum foundation 2013.

(4) Dag Heward mill model marriage counseling handbook first publish by parchment       House 1992 5ft printing 2013

 

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